i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
