You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
