Cold hands, warm shart.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize
