The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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