two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
