I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
