He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
