it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
