soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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