my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
