i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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