I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I will pee on everything he values.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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