if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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