Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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