i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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