im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we should paint friendship bongs
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