So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
