Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
