We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
