I'm lost and stupid without you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
