I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
