my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
