Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
