I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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