He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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