I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
