We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
