Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
