Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
