So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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