I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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