Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
