i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
