Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
