this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
