i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
