Michael Bay diarrhea
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
