It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
