she was so not down for the gang bang
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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