his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
