I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My cat gives me a boner
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
