we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it because I queefed?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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