There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
