Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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