There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
