I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
