Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
