We need to rekindle our bromance
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
