I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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