Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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