Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
