My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
