I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
