The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
